I wrote this in 2016 and it popped up on my Facebook memories yesterday morning:
“This year has been difficult in many ways. I’ve been laden with sadness for the last six months because of everything that has happened, politically and personally. I can’t control what has happened, any more than I could control it at the time, and I am still sad. And I still have all the challenges of being a full time parent. But I have decided to seek out things that bring me joy, and to try and bring joy to others. Advent starts on Sunday, and that’s always a season of joy.”
Reading it three years later makes me thoughtful. 2016 was a very sad and difficult year, the hardest year of my life so far… apart from 2017.
And yet, it’s clearly three years since I decided to look for joy in the small, everyday things. And it wasn’t long before I found out that one of the greatest sources of joy, for me, is bringing joy to other people – in other words, through kindness.
An act of kindness doesn’t need to be a big thing. Many kindnesses cost nothing. A couple of weeks ago, someone I passed in the street complimented me on my skirt and coat. I honestly felt brighter for hours! Coincidentally, only a few days before I noticed someone wearing a very attractive and unusual coat and I told them how lovely it was, and I saw a weight lift off their shoulders. Words are powerful.
A smile can be an act of kindness. Holding a door for someone. When I’m with my daughter, I am always delighted when a kind car driver slows down and waves us across the road.
Calling people out seems to be a very popular thing at the moment. Spot a mistake someone has made, or an opinion you disagree with. Discover that you have different political alliances, or that you don’t take the same approach to climate change, and call them out. Tell them, and in some cases their friends and loved ones, that they are wrong. I’m not sure what this is intended to achieve, but it seems to result in only sadness.
Here’s the thing: I don’t have to agree with all your opinions to be kind. Ultimately, whatever my political views; whatever daily action you take that appears hypocritical to me; whatever faux pas he, she or they commit regularly, we are all human. Most people, in my experience, are doing the best they can.
Of course, we all get it wrong. I’m human, I make snap judgments just like you. I get irritated when my child asks the same question for the ninetieth time, and when she claims that food that was delicious yesterday is the most disgusting thing in the world. But I always try to rethink. I looked down my nose at that person for wearing pyjamas to the supermarket, but what harm are they doing? I tut under my breath when I see a Christmas tree before the middle of December, but what right have I to be scornful when someone chooses a way of celebrating that’s different from me?
There is always room for more kindness in the world, and there is always something to be kind about. Advent is a season of joy, so why not go into this Advent season with the intention of performing one act of kindness every day. You might just find your life beginning to change.
Joy in the Mourning 