Our God is omnipotent, omniscient, perfect, and impossible to know fully.
Our God is the God of love, and created us all in order to be in a relationship with us.
There are a lot of things about the nature of God that I don’t understand, and can’t. But I do know that He loves me fiercely, more than a parent, more than a child, more than a lover… and all at once.
Many Christians who suffer miscarriage and baby loss find that their faith is rocked to the core. I completely understand this reaction. The world has changed for the worse, permanently and irrevocably. There is no going back.
Many Christians find comfort in the thought that God has called their child to Heaven, and that they will meet them again one day.
I do believe that my children went from my womb straight to Heaven to dance with God. But I don’t believe that’s because He called them there. I don’t believe death is ever part of God’s plan. I believe He intended these children to be part of our family, and that He mourns with me. After all, He knows what it’s like to lose a child.
Death is a consequence of our fallen world. The allegory of the garden of Eden is difficult to understand, but some things are clear. Death came into the world as a result of disobedience: it was not part of what God had in mind for humanity.
Now, one of the great things about God is that He can – and does – redeem anything. I have met a lot of parents whose living child(ren) would not have been born had they not lost a child when they did. I am such a child myself. Certainly, when we lost Gracie Wren, we assumed that we would have another child who would not have been conceived had we not lost Gracie. This is not entirely untrue. Every child after Gracie would not have been conceived had we not lost the sibling(s) immediately before them. And yet, all my babies except the first one are with God, not in our arms. With the human limits of my knowledge, I can’t understand how it is that God intended each one of them to be part of our family. But my understanding is limited by the boundaries of time. I see the past, I live in the present and I look to the future. God is not limited by time.
God can redeem anything… and through His redempton, my babies are living in glory. They only ever knew love and safety. They were never hungry or thirsty. They were safe inside me for the whole of their lives. And when life was no longer safe for them, they went home to be with God. I miss them every hour of every day – but they are with God. He understands how much I hurt, because He lost His child too – but His child and mine are with him, now and forever.
Joy in the Mourning 